My hand ran down my throat, and I mouthed, “I’m embarrassed.” I licked my lips, tasting the salt from the tears still trickling down my face. I sucked in a breath, and finished, “Of how I sound. It’s horrible.”
I watched Levi’s face pale. Suddenly, the Ferris wheel turned again, bringing us to the highest point of the ride. Levi’s hands both pressed on my cheeks, my eyes crashed back with his.
Reaching up, I gripped onto his wrists as his tongue ran round his lips. I watched this shy boy swallow. I watched him stare at my lips, a red blush mushrooming on his cheeks. The air around us seemed to crackle with tension. Nervous shivers danced up my spine.
“I want,” Levi breathed, “I want to kiss you,” he whispered, barely making a sound. “Real bad.”
I was shocked into stillness. Levi’s warm breath drifted over my face, and I found it in me to ask, “Why?”
Levi pushed closer to me, his breathing stuttered. “Because you’re you,” he replied, and I felt my walled-up heart begin to crumble some. “Because you’re you,” he repeated again.
Levi’s hands loosened a touch, when he shyly confessed, “Elsie. I ain’t ever kissed no one before.”
I frowned, finding it impossible that someone who looked like him, who had everything, had never kissed a girl. That he’d wanted to kiss me after he’d heard me. I didn’t understand why he wasn’t disgusted by my sound, why he wasn’t agreeing that I should keep silent.
“You ever kissed anyone, Elsie?”
Seeing he was focused on my lips, I mouthed, “No.”
Levi’s thumb ran back and forth on my cheek, and he offered, “Say it, Elsie. Don’t shy away again.”
I shook my head, ready to argue against using my voice, when he said, “You don’t sound different, or bad. I don’t know why you hate your voice. Because you sound perfect to me. Your voice, so sweet and… just you.”
I froze, letting his words sink in. I couldn’t believe it. It couldn’t possibly be the truth. But all I saw was honestly in his expression.
As if seeing my overwhelming feelings of his acceptance, Levi leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to mine—it was a whisper of a kiss, as soft and delicate as a butterfly’s wings. A surprised whimper escaped my lips, and Levi pulled back. His eyes were closed tightly and he breathed hard.
The wheel drew to a stop again. I waited, patiently, for what he would do next, when he suddenly pushed forward, taking my lips once again. His mouth pressed against mine, as soft and as gentle as before. We stayed that way, still and unmoving, but shyly joined for seconds and seconds, it felt like days. Flutters sprung in my chest as his hand drifted delicately down my face, and I sighed lightly, giving my happiness away.
We breathed the same air as we slowly, nervously drifted apart. Levi shyly met my eyes to assert, “I loved hearing your voice.” I stilled. “It’s beautiful… like you. Just as beautiful as your perfect pretty face. You ain’t got nothing to be ashamed of.”
Feeling brave, hearing the sincerity in his words, hearing the acceptance of my voice I’d wanted to hear all of my life, I quietly replied, “Thank you,” just as the wheel began taking us downward.
Levi shifted back to sit beside me, only this time his heavy muscled arm lay over my shoulders and he pulled me to his side. My smaller frame fit perfectly against his side, like we were too broken pieces being put perfectly back together. Wanting to touch him too, I put my arm around his waist, smiling to myself when I heard his breathing hitch at my welcome touch.
I stared out of the glass pod at the city beyond. I felt like I was in heaven—high in the sky; safe, fed and warm, with the sweetest kindest boy who accepted my biggest flaw.
I had to blink back the water in my eyes when I felt Levi brush a kiss on the top of my head, then move down to kiss the tip of my left ear. The ear that had been unsalvageable. The ear that was completely deaf. The one that had caused me so much grief.
Tipping my head up so he could see my face, Levi smiled his gorgeous shy smile, the sweet, sweet smile forever etched on my brain, and brought his lips to mine for a feather light kiss.
Sighing, he said, “I also love kissing you, Elsie. ‘Bout as much as I love hearing your voice.”
He waited, just waited, and I knew it was for me to respond. Fighting back the crushing insecurity that I’d lived with all my life, I replied, “I love kissing you too.”
I winced, the sound of my voice monotone and slightly higher in pitch than most people. But Levi’s finger smoothed the lines on my forehead and his smile lit up my world.
“I love,” he started, “I love that you saved your voice for me, that you gave your voice to me.”
For a worrying moment I still couldn’t believe if he was telling the truth or not. But there it was, in his eyes. He meant every single word.
It was a gift. It was freedom.
He’d given me back my voice.